Kirsty Melmed | butterflylifecycle

Learning Through Thinking

For some time now I have been working to amalgamate the different parts that inform the way I work: Coaching, Transactional Analysis & Inner Tuition. This will be an on-going process for me as each is so valuable and contributes to my uniqueness as a coach.
I saw the quote below by Marianne Williamson and it got me thinking.

Kirsty Melmed Life Coach | Marianne Williamson

The diagram below is the product of that thinking. It is an amalgamation of Kolb’s Learning Cycle, Zull’s Transformation Line and Holton’s description of Four Bodies.
Kirsty Melmed | Learning Cycle
Inner Tuition (Holton) has taught me that energetically, every person has four bodies – physical, emotional, mental & spiritual. These make up the whole self. When something goes wrong physically, it is often a manifestation of a problem in one of the other bodies.
For example, lately your partner has been making jokes at your expense in front of his family. Emotionally, this upsets you and you feel he is not supporting you. Mentally, you start to wonder if his jokes have any truth in them. Spiritually, this challenges the beliefs you hold around your own self-worth. Physically, this starts to manifest as an ear infection. Listening to his jokes is literally making you feel dis-eased about yourself.
Transactional Analysis has taught me that according to Kolb’s Learning Cycle, the process one goes through when learning from an experience is first to experience, then to reflect on that experience, then to analyse what it means and finally to make meaning of it by implementing a new way of doing that experience.
To go with my example above, first you experience your partner making jokes at your expense. Then you reflect on how much it upsets you and makes you angry. Then you analyse different ways to change the situation. You decide that talking to him about it privately is the best solution and so you implement this plan based on the belief that it will change the experience.
James Zull goes on to explain that in order for people to truly learn and transform from experiences they need to make new meaning of that experience. Some people get stuck in the reflecting stage of an experience. This means they get caught up in how that experience makes them feel. It is only once they start analysing what it means to them and how to change the situation that they truly start to transform from that experience. He calls this crossing the transformation line.
If you get stuck in the emotional part of the scenario with your partner then you start thinking he is right and start behaving in a way that reinforces that belief i.e. you don’t stand up for yourself and continue to feel bad.
If however, you cross the transformation line and decide that this is not ok and talk to your partner about it , you will start believing that you are worth standing up for yourself. You will also change the situation in some way.
How does this tie in with Inner Tuition? Physically, you experience your partner making jokes at your expense. Emotionally, you examine how this makes you feel. Mentally, you analyse if you agree with his comments and if you don’t then how to stop him from making them in the future. Spiritually, you stand strong in your beliefs that you are worth more than that and so you talk to him about it.
This ties in so beautifully with Marianne Williamson’s quote above, “You must learn a new way to think, before you can master a new way to be.” Only by crossing the transformation line will you start thinking differently. Emotions are brilliant, they give us clues that something is right or wrong with us. But getting stuck in them and not looking deeper means you might never truly move forward in life. By making meaning and behaving differently you are becoming a new version of yourself.
So I invite you start listening to what is going on in your bodies. What can your physical symptoms be telling you? What clues are in the emotions you are feeling? What kind of thoughts are you having? What beliefs are forming as a result? Master your thoughts and this will create a ripple effect on your feelings, beliefs and actions.

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