I have been noticing a trend recently in the topics that clients are talking about. The most prevalent issue at the moment seems to be putting the needs of others first and denying our own needs.
As someone who’s previous default setting was people pleasing, I completely understand how challenging it can be to start putting yourself first. I still struggle with this at times and it will likely be a lifelong journey for me.
What has really helped me transform this belief, is the awareness I have gained from studying transactional analysis. It has taught me that when we put others first we are showing disrespect on two levels:
The first, is we are disrespecting the other person. If we do something for them that they could do if they tried then we are taking away their right to learn how.
The second, is we are disrespecting ourselves. When we show people that they are more important then we are then it gives them permission to see us as less important and this invites them to disrespect us too.
If you think about it in terms of energy, we all start with a full cup. Then as we grow up we are told that it’s good to put others first, that we must not make a fuss when we feel wronged, that strength means giving even when you are depleted. And so our cup gets emptier as we give away our energy but don’t take the time to replenish our supply. Eventually you are running on empty. This means the quality of what you are giving is less.
If you want to give to others (which I am not saying is a bad thing, in fact I think it’s the most important thing) then we HAVE to start by filling our cup first. Imagine how much better the quality of your giving will be when it’s done from a cup filled with strength, inspiration, abundance, joy and love. Be the light and others will not only benefit from your glow but they will start to shine too.
Ps. Is anyone else craving a cup of coffee after looking at this pic? I’m off to put the kettle on 